This is genius. I’m not sure why Ken Kesey isn’t on the Post-1900s team, but that’s just me.

oldtimefamilybaseball:

Inspired by the folks over at Pitchers and Poets, I have assembled a pre-1900s team of authors and had them battle it out with a group of post-1900s. Who would win? First, the lineups:

The Pre-1900s Team:

C:  Walt Whitman

 

He’s cranky, he’s crusty, he looks like a crusty old gold prospector, and he is absolutely perfect as the team’s catcher.

“I see great things in baseball.  It’s our game - the American game.  It will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism.  Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set.  Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us.”

1B: Anne Bronte

(drawn by Charlotte Bronte)

The weakest of the Bronte sisters, she completes the Bronte-to-Bronte-to-Bronte combo. She’s certainly a below-average first baseman, but like Mitch Moreland, the rest of the team more than compensates for her. Plus, she knows the value of on-base percentage.

“If you would have your son to walk honourably through the world, you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path, but teach him to walk firmly over them - not insist upon leading him by the hand, but let him learn to go alone.”

2B: Emily Bronte

(Portrait by Branwell Bronte)

Emily, the most romantic of the Bronte sisters, was a strong writer who may have lacked the range of her sister Charlotte. A history of knee injuries pushed her to the right side of the bag.

“Oh, I’m burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free… and laughing at injuries, not maddening under them!

SS: Charlotte Bronte

My favorite Bronte and author of the proto-feminist novel, Jane Eyre, Charlotte plays the most difficult defensive position on the field. The entire team relies on Charlotte’s strength at short.

“Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts…”

3B: Herman Melville

A hearty, seafaring lad, Melville is particularly suited for the least represented position in the Hall of Fame. Happy to dive for hard liners without receiving the recognition he so greatly deserves is, sadly, akin to Melville’s literary work while he was still alive. Melville may lack the power of most third sackers, but he sure would have a penchant for squeezing line drives.

“Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me, and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-labourers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules.”

LF: Ralph Waldo Emerson

Close friends with Thoreau and a lover nature, Emerson would greatly enjoy the time in left field. An extremely hard worker, Emerson may lack the tools of his peers, but makes up for it with his time in the gym. A team leader, nothing less than victory would appease Emerson.

“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.”

CF: Henry David Thoreau

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